be free from unhealthy relationships (lesson five) ...a blog ...
obsessing … (lesson five) …
Don’t try and force things. As Marianne Williamson said in one of her lectures “I need do nothing”. The universe will take its course. “Allow” and see what happens. See who shows up.... practice doing nothing ...
What triggers your obsessive thoughts?
What can you do to stop yourself when you are obsessing?
What triggers your obsessive thoughts? Feeling abandoned is the only thing that triggers obsessive thoughts for me. I can let go … However, as soon as I feel abandoned I fret and become obsessive in thought and feeling.
I need to remember the reality of the situation … The relationship is over … We have closure …
The reality is:
you simply cannot undo what has been done …
Avoid the thoughts that keep me obsessing:
- I’m not enough
- I’m not good-looking enough
- I’m inadequate as a person
- Other people are more attractive and appealing than I am
- Who the hell does he or she think he is
- How dare he or she treat me like this
- I should have told them off better
- I want revenge
What can you do to stop yourself when you are obsessing? Meditate … meditate … meditate … Just breath and let it all go.
Remind myself that the feelings of abandonment don’t belong to this relationship, they are from my childhood. The relationship isn’t good for me otherwise it would still be alive …
Being in a constant state of yearning makes you unavailable to meet new people or open yourself to new experiences …
Avoid the thoughts that keep me obsessing:
- There are no normal people out there
- There’s a scarcity of people out there
- I’ll be alone forever
- It’s impossible to meet people at my age
- I’ll never Fnd anyone as wonderful as my ex
- I may be able to meet other people but they won’t be my ex
- My ex was the great love of my life
- My ex is the best there is
- Distract yourself.
- Put on a DVD, call a friend, so swimming. Anything that will take your mind off of “your ex”.
- Switch your thoughts.
- Switch your thoughts as soon as you start obsessing Try snapping a rubber band on your wrist as soon as you are thinking an unwanted thought. Think of something that makes you happy. A trip you would like to take. A friend or a relative you would like to visit. A beautiful place you would like to visit.
- Soothe yourself- Get a massage, manicure or pedicure. Have your hair styled or blown out. There is nothing as relaxing as having your hair shampooed at the hairdressers. The safe, physical touch of these activities can be nurturing, healing and relaxing.
Get physical. Exercise. Go for a walk or run. Do yoga or go to a yoga class. Let your emotions move through your body, rather than keeping them locked inside.
- Connect. It can be a pet, child, friend, therapist, or relative–anybody but the man you’re obsessing about. Isolating yourself can make obsessing worse. Try to socialize a few hours a day if you can, but not with “your ex”.
- Find a safety blanket. Look through old pictures of times that you felt good. Do not look at old pictures with “your ex” you’re trying to not think about. By looking at photos that remind you of happy times (that don’t include your ex),it will help you move past the pain and thoughts about them.
- Surf the net. If you can’t get out of the house for some reason then go on the Internet. Don’t search your ex out but look up other things that interest you. Go to a dating site or an online bookstore. Read the news. You can even check out my message board on my Web site (www.rhondaFndling.com) and read what other individuals have done . You can also leave them a message.
- Be a hydro-queen or king. Try out those bath salts that have been sitting in your bathroom closet since last year. Light candles for atmosphere, put on your favorite CD, and enjoy a long, relaxing soak. You’ll be amazed at how your frame of mind improves when you are relaxed and taking care of yourself.
- Find comfort in the kitchen. Nurture yourself with your favorite food. Try something healthy and organic, or cook or bake something gourmet. And don’t forget when all else fails – there’s always chocolate! Allow yourself to cry. Obsessing about your ex and the past is also a way of controlling your feelings. You don’t want to feel the pain of the loss, so you obsess as a way of avoiding the painful emotions. When obsessive thoughts of the past are coming up, try to get in touch with the pain of the loss and go through the grief process. Allow yourself to cry.
- Be mindful.
- Be in the present moment. Focus on your surrounding environment. What it looks like, smells like sounds like. Touch something in the room, a piece of furniture, or a wall.
Heal Yourself with Writing: Course Overview
Lesson 1: How To Stop Clinging
Lesson 2: Going Through A Breakup
Lesson 3: Building A Support System
Lesson 4: How To Not Act Desperate
Lesson 5: Obsessing
Lesson 7: Your Psychological History
Ms Denise Mijatovic ... (aka indigo ...)
lead me ... blog writer ...
I am the owner and main author of me ... website. I want to keep this bit short and sweet so if you want to read more about me then please go to 'about me'.